The Language

Almost all Dutch speak English very well, and in most situations they will switch immediately to English if your Dutch isn't perfect or if you look confused.

So you're less confused when reading things out loud...

• G = that infamous clearing-your-throat-sound
• OE = "oo", or the ou in you
• IJ or EI = "eye", or the uy in buy
• EE = "ay" or the ay in Ray
• J = "y" or the y in yak
• IE = "ee" or the ea in meat
• UI ≅ "ow" or the ow in now (not really, but that's as close as you'll get)
• OO = "oh" or the o in yo
• TJ = "ch"
• E at the end of a word = "uh"

Weather

Netherlands has 2 seasons. 8 months of cold, wet, and gray and 4 months of nice.

August is right in the middle of nice, so we're betting we'll be good, but you never know. The average high temperatures are between 20°C (68°F) and 25°C (77°F), and the average temps are mid 50s to low 70s.

Between the wind and the biking, I usually subtract 10 degrees F when deciding what to wear.

Time

They use a 24 hour clock over here, so expect to see 2100 or 21u instead of 9pm.

Restrooms

The Dutch say WC (pronounced VAY-SAY) or toilet.
Be on the look out for these words:

• WC
• Toiletten
• Mannen or Heren (men)
• Vrouwen or Dames (women)
• and look out for esoteric emojis

Other gotchas

• Sinks are small with cold water.
• Hand-drying does not seem to be a priority.
• Restrooms and stalls have a small occupied indicator located under the handle of the door, which the guy who comes in after you is going to completely ignore. It flips from white to red.
• Stalls are usually little fortresses in the WC with their own lighting and ventilation, and a door that goes all the way to the floor. Sometimes they look identical to the broom closet.
• All toilets inside stores, malls, and stations are pay-toilets. Sometimes they'll take pin-cards and sometime they'll take coins. I wouldn't count on them taking credit.

Food Conventions

• If you see a nice sunny terrace in front of a restaurant, sit down at one of the tables immediately. Don't wait around to be invited. The server will come around.
• Never expect free water by default at a restaurant.
  You can try to ask for "kraanwater" (KRAHN-vater).
• Never expect more than a single cube of ice at a time.
• Napkins come in paper form, one at a time, sealed in an envelope stashed neatly under your cutlery on the table. Be judicious.
• If you ask a Dutch for "Coke™", you will likely get a chuckle, even if they are not a 12 year old who just learned about drug slang.
• The Dutch call ice-cream "ijs" which sounds like just "ice". There, I saved you some confusion.
• Cafés are usually something like a bar and grill.
• Bruine Kroegs are the Dutch version of an Irish Pub. Dark paneling, low ceilings, locals, cozy ambiance, and cheerful drinking songs. Gezellig!
• Cafeterias or snack-bars sell late-night fried-food and cheap burgers.
• Menus are combo-meals. Menu-kaarts or kaarts are menus. Saavy?
• A citroen is a lemon, a limoen is a lime, limonade contains neither, and Bacardi Limon is pronounced Bacardi Lemon.

Stimulants and Depressants

Ahh, the infamous "coffeeshops"...

• Pot is legal everywhere in the Netherlands, not just Amsterdam.
  (no one is as excited about this as American tourists).
• Coffeeshops sell marijuana, not coffee.
• Coffeeshops sell marijuana, NOT coffee.
• Cafés sell beer, and only sometimes coffee.
• There's a lot of good coffee here, but if you want it you should look for the word "koffie" instead of coffee or café.
• Never expect drip/filter coffee. It's almost always Italian-style.
• If you ask for a "cup of coffee" or a "kopje koffie" (COPE-yuh-coffee), you'll get a 6oz long-pull expressed coffee, which is less concentrated than an espresso, and close to a standard american drip cup.
  (Alternatively, an Americano is espresso diluted with hot water)
• Never expect iced coffee. If you ask for iced coffee and get it, it will be a tiny, expensive glass of crushed ice, sugar, and milk that tastes vaguely like coffee.